This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
