Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
