Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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