He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
