I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
