call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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