I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
