I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
