No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
