I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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