Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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