The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize