Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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