the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You pole danced in your parka.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
