I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
