Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
