I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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