at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
