No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
