I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
