There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
