I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
