hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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