I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
