At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
