In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
