Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
