My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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