I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
