I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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