This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
