I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
