I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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