I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
