the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
