Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize