if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
