Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
