there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
