A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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