how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
