I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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