what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
