I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you didnt know i had herpes?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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