I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
