I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize