New invention idea: vibrating tampons
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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