He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
