I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
