their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You left your phone here
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