I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
