Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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