nut hugger
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize