I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
