help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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