It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
