Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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