Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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