Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
