Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
