Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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