Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i believe in u and ur pee
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
