I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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