my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
