Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
