Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
