I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
