I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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