Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
