I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
