WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I did not marry a roomba.
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