There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
