Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
