VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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