my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
