i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
