do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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