I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
someone owes me an orgasm
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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