i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
