Need sex. Gaining weight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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