I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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