I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
