Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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