i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize