awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
