can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
