Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
