he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
