dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We left the knife in your bed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
